A widow ponders the source of her bitterness


Dear Amy: My husband was diagnosed with ALS at the age of 67.

About six months after diagnosis, we had a graduation picnic for our granddaughter.

My brother-in-law came, got drunk, and when he left, he banged our daughter’s car and told no one. (We were not aware that he was so drunk.)

My husband called his brother and he admitted that he’d hit her car, but said he was too drunk to return to the party, so he was going to call later the next day.

My daughter called her uncle and lectured him about drinking and driving and was pretty hard on him. I did the same.

He texted us and said he didn’t need to be lectured by us and that we wouldn’t see him again. He said he’d send a check for the damage.

My husband called him and did not lecture him, but said that we were concerned about his drinking. (We had expressed this in the past.)

Over the next two years, he never checked on my declining husband and did not come to his funeral less than three years later.

My children and I are bitter.

When this uncle speaks to his sister, he seems to play the victim — as if we had kept him away from his brother.

My husband died feeling very betrayed, and I can’t shake my resentment.



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