Ask Amy: My husband wants to pay his daughters to lose weight

Dear Amy: My husband is a wonderful man.

We’ve been married more than 40 years.

He has children who are now in their 50s from a previous marriage, and we all get along great.

His two daughters are quite overweight. He wants to say something to them and perhaps incentivize them to lose weight by offering to pay for any remedies to get their weight-loss process going.

I too have had a weight problem and have slowly lost 50 pounds over the past 10 years. I’ve been hoping to lead by example.

I think he’s making a mistake to bring weight up to his girls.

But he says he’s their father and he needs to approach them for their health’s sake. What do you think?

– Wondering

Dear Wondering: My standard reaction to this sort of question is always the same: Does your husband imagine that his adult daughters don’t know that they are overweight?

We are surrounded by images of thinness and the shame of fatness. Weight loss remedies and now drugs like Ozempic are in the news every day. And yet an estimated 72 percent of Americans over the age of 20 are overweight or obese.

As you know from your own experience, obesity is a life-long social, personal, and health challenge.

Overall, obesity has been so stigmatized that, along with the stigma, it has been considered a taboo topic to discuss – because discussing it often highlights the pain and shame that some people with obesity internalize.

This is a tough topic to bring up, but if your husband can do so in a loving, supportive and non-judgmental way, he could try.

As someone who has fought your own battle with obesity, perhaps your husband could rehearse a conversation with you.

Maybe it’s time to discuss obesity as a disease, instead of a character flaw.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.

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