Thank god for Spain holding Luis Rubiales accountable

Former Spanish Football Federation head Luis Rubiales could be facing not only criminal charges, but jail time, thanks to his planting an extremely unwanted kiss on Jenni Hermoso’s lips after Spain won the World Cup in 2023. On Thursday, the judge who presided over an inquiry into the incident recommended that Rubiales stand trial for sexual assault and coercion, which carries a sentence of anywhere from a fine to four years in prison. The judge called the kiss “not consensual and… a unilateral and surprising initiative,” and also recommended that three other men, Jorge Vilda, Rubén Rivera, and Albert Luque, stand trial alongside Rubiales for pressuring Hermoso to publicly state the kiss was consensual.

If there was ever a country that was going to send a man to jail for kissing a woman on the lips without and against her consent, it was probably going to be Spain. Forty-seven percent of its Congress identifies as female, the country has progressively been increasing paternal leave to match maternity leave, and in 2023, the country passed legislation that not only ensures it’s female citizens safe and accessible abortions provided by national health agencies, but also introduced menstrual leave, which is so utopian and quixotic to American women as to make one want to pull up stakes and head straight for Madrid.

Rubiales, on the other hand, does not get it (nor does his mother, for that matter), maintaining that he’s the real victim in all this. Nor do the other men involved in the inquiry, including Vilda, Spain’s former head coach, who was removed from his position in September, who, according to Hermoso, told his players to leave their doors open at night so he could speak to them individually before bed. Players also claimed that Vilda was too controlling over their personal lives, telling The Athletic, “When coming back from a walk outside, they would be asked who they’d been with and be requested to show the contents of shopping bags if they brought some back.” Vilda no longer coaches in Spain, but has been foisted upon the unsuspecting women of Morocco.

As thrilling as it was for women, especially women of a certain age, to see packed stadiums cheering for women competing in football’s most monumental event, it was difficult not to see Rubiales’ actions as a metaphor for what women face too often in society. No matter how high a woman flies, no matter how much she achieves, she’s still subject to the sexual whims of men in power. “Oh, but he didn’t mean it sexually, he was just happy!” claimed some. Doesn’t matter. Happiness does not excuse kissing a woman (on the mouth, after a worldwide pandemic, no less!) without her consent. A good rule of thumb, don’t put your hands (or mouth) on anyone without their permission. There is no “winning the World Cup” exception to sexual assault. And in Spain, the absence of resistance does not amount to consent.

This disheartening fact is that, even with all the history made at the WWC23, like it being the first time a European team won the whole thing and the first time the Women’s World Cup has been hosted in the Southern Hemisphere, the one moment we’re still talking about is Rubiales’ assault. That’s a loss for the Spanish team, who deserved their moment in the sun without some skeevy guy sticking his lips all over them. It’s also a loss for women footballers, who put on a fantastic show down under. And it’s a loss for young girls everywhere, who have now seen that, even on the world’s biggest stage, men in power have a control over the women performing under them. No one can blame Hermoso for her stunned and bewildered reaction, any one of us would have probably done the same, but what a lesson it would have been for little girls everywhere if Hermoso had hauled off and cracked Rubiales across the face in front of the entire world. Sadly, all the incident did was reflect the state of casual sexism that is inflicted on women regularly in their private and professional lives. Rubiales served as an avatar for men who believe they are entitled to touch women as they please — the women’s consent being optional.

So, if you interact with women, here are my foolproof rules for not winding up like Luis Rubiales with your friends, co-workers, and family (yes, even your family): Don’t touch women without asking. Don’t touch anyone without asking, for that matter. Don’t force little girls to kiss and hug you because you think they’re cute. Your momentary gratification is not more important than a child’s bodily autonomy. Don’t touch your co-workers without asking. Trust me, no one is randomly hoping for a shoulder rub from you in the middle of Steve’s powerpoint on the new expense reports. Come from a family that kisses everyone? Great, so do I. That doesn’t mean other people feel the same way or are comfortable with it. Claiming “it’s European” does not help you, especially if you aren’t in Europe. You really can’t go wrong with a handshake, fist bump or even a cringey high five. These should be your go-to moves around women, until you get an enthusiastic “yes” (not the absence of “no”) letting you know that the person is okay with you touching them. The office — be it a cubicle or World Cup podium) is not where you should look to pick up women. No woman wants to have to fend off your advances while trying to bridge the gap between 82 cents and a dollar.

“What?” I can already hear the hordes screaming. “It’s like I can’t do anything around women! What, do I have to be afraid of just being around them now?” If not interacting with women is what helps you not be a Rubiales’-adjacent creep, then, yes. Go with that. Otherwise, don’t treat the women in your life differently from the men in your life until they let you know that they want you to do that. If you wouldn’t pull your male colleague into a hug and hold on to him a little too long, don’t do it to a woman, either.

This is typically when men start bleating about women wanting to be treated equally, but not wanting to be drafted or open their own car doors. Believe me, I would hold doors for myself for the rest of my life if I could go back and stop a former boss from kissing me hello every morning.

Rubiales deserves to stand trial. He deserves to have to answer for his actions in front of the entire world, and especially in front of all the women of the world.