Narcissism is described as an extreme self-involvement to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them. Not everyone who has this trait exhibits abusive behavior, but those who fall toward the higher end of the spectrum can become quite manipulative and aggressive in the most unlikely places.
Kerry McAvoy, a narcissistic abuse awareness advocate, shared in a TikTok video one particular place that turned terrifying when her narcissistic ex was involved.
She explained what it’s like being a passenger in the car with a narcissist.
“There is nothing like being a passenger in the car with a narcissist,” McAvoy began in her video.
“When I met my ex, I thought he was the safest driver I ever met,” she shared. “Actually, I felt irritated by his cautiousness.” However, when McAvoy and her ex finally got married, everything about that changed significantly.
He became a “terrifying” driver, and being in the car with him quickly shifted from feeling safe to fearing for her life. It got to the point where if McAvoy were in the car with him, she’d either disassociate and pretend she wasn’t there or engage in a game on her phone so she could ignore everything that was happening around her.
“I often felt like getting in the car with him was putting my life at stake,” McAvoy recalled. “He would tailgate, play chicken with other drivers, he would provoke them by slowing down and they knew he was probably inciting road rage.”
She had a distinct memory of him swerving and doing fast cut-offs of other drivers. Sometimes, he would even be right on the bumper of other cars.
“I never felt more terrified,” she said. “We often don’t talk about how abuse happens in many different forms in these relationships and it includes things like driving. Abuse becomes a whole environment that you’re breathing. It’s like living with carbon monoxide. You’re being slowly poisoned.”
Research has found that there is a link between narcissism and aggressive driving.
According to the Association for Psychological Science, researchers from Ohio State University and the University of Luxembourg wanted to see if narcissism predicted aggressive driving, which is the cause of more than half of traffic accidents in the United States alone.
In three studies, they assessed people who showed subclinical levels of narcissism. The questionnaire had participants rate how strongly they agreed with items such as: “I like to be the center of attention,” or “I am an extraordinary person” on a one to five scale. They then addressed similar items about aggressive driving behavior: “I often swear when driving a car,” or “When driving my car, I easily get angry about other drivers.”
The study found that “the more narcissistic drivers are, the more angry and aggressive they reported becoming on the road.”
Abusive narcissists also tend to use car rides to pick fights and will often risk the safety of everyone in the car because they are enraged and not thinking clearly. It’s also common for narcissists to threaten to kick passengers out of the car or leave if they do not immediately apologize and do what the narcissist wants.
Experts recommend that while narcissistic car drama is a common form of narcissistic abuse, you should focus on staying safe. “Do your best not to escalate the fight, even if you are 100% right,” the article stated.
“If you have another way to get where you are going, do not get back into the car. However, if you are out in the middle of nowhere, do whatever you can to pacify the person so that the two of you are safe.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or the threat of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or visit The Hotline.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.
Dr. Debi Johnson is a medical expert and health journalist dedicated to promoting well-being. With a background in medicine, she offers evidence-based insights into health trends and wellness practices. Beyond her reporting, Dr. Debi enjoys hiking, yoga, and empowering others to lead healthier lives.
